What Nobody Tells You About Raising Young Men Right Now

Jul 6
5 min read

The young men struggling the most are rarely the ones who look like they are. A clear look at what is really happening with young men in grades 4 through 8, and what any caring adult in Ocala can do about it this week.

By Jamie Gilmore · Founder and CEO, Kut Different · Ocala, FL

A single young man in grades 4 through 8, alone in an ordinary school setting, but not sad-posed. Sitting at a desk or in a hallway, looking slightly away from camera, neutral expression. The whole thesis is "the ones who look fine," so the ideal hero is a young man who looks completely fine, which quietly reframes after you read the opening. If KD has a candid shot from a school session with one mentee in frame, that beats anything staged.

The young men who are struggling the most are almost never the ones who look like they are struggling. It took me years of working with young men in grades 4 through 8 to fully understand that.

I have learned that the loudest struggles aren't always the most dangerous. Sometimes it's the quiet ones that worry me the most.

They are the ones doing fine. Present enough. Not in trouble, at least not yet. They sit in class, come to sessions, answer when you ask them questions. And underneath all of that, they are carrying things they do not have words for. Things they have been taught, directly or indirectly, that they are not supposed to carry out loud.

After sitting across from hundreds of young men, I've become convinced that fourth through eighth grade is one of the most important seasons in a young man's life. It's during these years that many young men begin asking life's biggest questions:

Who am I?

Where am I going?

Do I matter?

The reality is this. If we don't help answer those questions, the world will answer them for them.

That's why we started Kut Different. Not simply to mentor behavior, but to help young men discover who they are before the world tells them who to be. And it's time to say that clearly, because the data is telling us we are running out of time to be subtle about it.

What I See Every Week

a mentor and a young man sitting across from each other, mid-conversation, at eye level. Ideally shot from the side so you see both faces or the mentor listening.

Not long ago, I sat across from one of our young men after another difficult day at school. On the surface, it looked like another behavior issue. But after we talked for a few minutes, it became clear the behavior wasn't the real problem.

Like so many young men, he was carrying things he didn't know how to put into words. I've learned that's often the case.

Behavior is usually the symptom. Identity is where the real work begins.

Every week, our mentors sit with young men in Marion County schools, including Lake Weir Middle, Horizon Academy, and Oakcrest Elementary, and ask them questions most adults in their lives are not asking.

Not, “Did you behave?”

But, “What did you learn about yourself this week?”

Not, “Did you finish your homework?”

But, “How did you handle something hard?”

The answers these young men give are extraordinary. And heartbreaking. And full of more emotional intelligence than most people would expect from a fourth grader. Because the capacity has always been there. What was missing was someone asking.

The Part Nobody Wants to Say Out Loud

We are in a mental health crisis among our young men. The national data makes that undeniable.

a wide shot of an empty classroom or a school hallway (the environment where this plays out), or a young man in a group setting who is physically present but slightly apart. Mood over melodrama.

Nearly one in five U.S. adolescents screened positive for depression in 2025, the highest level ever recorded. Young men are a significant part of that number, even as they remain far less likely to ask for help than their peers.

In Ocala, it looks like a young man who was funny last semester and is quiet now. It looks like a young man who got in trouble for the third time last week, and nobody has asked him what is actually going on. It looks like a young man who tells his mom he's fine every day for six months while privately building a wall that could take years to tear down.

We are not failing these young men because we don't care. We are failing them because too often we focus on changing behavior before helping them understand who they are.

Behavior often changes after identity changes.

That may be one of the most important lessons I've learned from working with young men.

“Fourth through eighth grade is one of the most important seasons in a young man's life. It's the age where many young men begin asking themselves who they are, where they're going, and whether they matter. If we don't help answer those questions, someone else will.”

Five Daily Deposits You Can Make This Week

Warm, actionable imagery to match the turn in tone: a parent or adult and a young man talking in an everyday setting, in the car, at a kitchen table, walking. The car shot is especially true to life, since side-by-side conversations are famously where young men actually open up.

1. Ask Better Questions

“How was your day?” usually closes the conversation. Instead ask, “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “What made you proud today?” or “What did you learn about yourself today?” Specific questions give a young man somewhere to land.

2. Name Your Own Emotions First

Young men learn emotional vocabulary by hearing it modeled. Saying, “I'm frustrated because...” teaches more than any lecture ever could.

3. Don't Solve It Immediately

When a young man shares something difficult, our instinct is to fix it. Resist that urge. Listening first communicates that his inner world matters.

4. Show Up Consistently

Young men don't need perfect adults. They need predictable adults. One conversation is not a relationship. The same time, the same interest, the same level of care, week after week. That's what builds trust.

5. Connect Him to Other Trusted Adults

Research continues to show that one caring adult outside the family can dramatically influence a young person's resilience and future. You do not have to be everything. You just have to be consistent.

None of these require extraordinary talent. They're Daily Deposits. Small conversations. Small moments. Small decisions. Over time, those deposits become confidence. They become character. They become identity.

If you are in the Ocala area and your son is in grades 4 through 8, this is what Kut Different is here for. Not as a replacement for you. As an extension of what you're already trying to do.

A Word for Anyone Thinking About Mentoring

I want to speak directly to the people in this community who have been thinking about mentoring but haven't made the call yet. You do not need a degree. You do not need a perfect past. You simply need to be a consistent, caring adult willing to show up and ask a young man how he's really doing.

Sometimes the greatest thing a young man needs isn't another lecture. It's another adult who believes in him.

Our mentors work inside Marion County schools during the day and mentor on off campus sites after school. We train you. We support you. We give you the structure. You bring the consistency.

And that, more than anything else, is what changes a young man's life.

Every young man in our program who has grown had at least one adult who consistently showed up, believed in him, and asked the right questions. Be that adult for someone. Or help us be that adult for more young men in this community.

The crisis facing our young men is real. But so is the opportunity. I believe every young man is one caring adult away from a different future.

One conversation. One opportunity. One mentor. One coach. One teacher. One Daily

Deposit at a time.

If we don't help young men discover who they are, the world will gladly tell them who to be. Let's

make sure we're the ones helping shape the next generation.

Be the Consistent Adult

Become a mentor. Show up consistently, ask the right questions, and help change the course of a

young man's life in Ocala.

Become a mentor at kutdifferent.org/become-a-mentor

Not able to mentor right now? You can still be part of the solution:

Enroll your son in grades 4 through 8 at kutdifferent.org/join-as-a-mentee

Support structured mentorship at kutdifferent.org/support-young-men

Kut Different · Ocala, FL · 501(c)(3) · Youth Mentorship for Young Men Grades 4 through 8 · kutdifferent.org